I was going to write this overly dramatic post about depression but to be frank, it was drivel. 350 million people worldwide suffer from it. There is help. See the link below.
I have discovered that my biggest problem is that I fear intense emotion... good and bad. I have always stuffed them down, hidden them away, saved them for a "convenient time". The heart of the matter is sometimes the depth of my pain scares me. When I touch it, the pain flares up like a grease fire. I was always afraid of getting burned. But what I have learned from a life lived in the neutral zone is that when you push the feelings aside, they don't really disappear. They collect and collect and collect until you are buried and have no room left for today. Passion demands the moment, the now. It screams for immediate attention. That was never my first instinct, to demand attention now. I would prefer to skulk around in the shadows. You see, I'm not overly private but somewhere along the line I came to believe that my feelings didn't deserve attention, not even from me.
That's crap, it's all crap. Today, I try to ride the rollercoaster of my emotions. Today, I savor the ups and the downs. Today, I touch the fire. I let the grease fall out of me, burn me and it hurts. But it's only just a moment, a flash in the pan really and only then I can burn away the clutter and live fully and passionately in the now. That ...or I'm being cooked alive. Either way, it's better than the icy frost that can only thrive in the Neutral Zone.
